Apartment Hunting In Los Angeles Is The Worst Thing Ever.

May has been an incredible month for me! It has been the highest grossing month in terms of voice over work. Hash tag Humble brag. But, I’ll ignore your momentary judgement, because I had to bust my ass and work really hard to save up, which means I’ve had to sacrifice a few things. Make enough money to save up for my own place? Or go out on the open mic circuit and continue to work on jokes in hopes of being seen by the right person that wants to hear my television pitch. Money triumphed…this time.

So, I’ve begun the process of apartment hunting; this is the goal I’ve been working so hard to accomplish. But the process is exhausting. Everything is done online, but you can’t get access to information about making an appointment until you sign up through this rental company’s website. Then you email and wait. Text a million craigslist ads and every single one is a scam. Or already filled. Then there is that magical moment where someone actually picks up the phone!! But then you tell them that you want to move in 2 weeks and the reply is always the same. “Call me back then.”

What? Why? Don’t you want my deposit right now? Prorate my rent for half the month and call it a day. Are there people really roaming around right now looking to move, tonight? Is their stuff packed and ready to go, right now? Are these people refugees? Who is moving today that hasn’t already picked a place to go?

What I’m finding out about living in Los Angeles is that everything is at our disposal. If you can’t do it right now, someone else can. If I can’t get what I want here right now, I can go somewhere else. We have everything and expect it too.

This doesn’t just apply to tangible things either. There is this sense that people need to be able to give whatever they’ve got to get what they want. People in the biz work harder and faster than anywhere else I’ve lived. (And that’s been quite a few places).

You want to be rich/famous/powerful/insert your own idea of success here…then at a moment’s notice you need to have time to record, edit, create, write, be funny, spontaneous, thoughtful and have the best idea anyone’s ever heard. This sounds ridiculous, right?

That’s what I thought when I was told repeatedly today to call back when I’m ready to move. But it occurred to me, that this town always gets what it wants. Those who can ebb and flow with the forever changing and unpredictable heartbeat of the city are the ones that make it to be rich/famous/powerful/insert your own idea of success here.

But, are these the people that have to sacrifice to get what they want? Did they have to work late nights? Did they have to skip out on fun things? Maybe. Is the apartment going to make anyone rich/famous/powerful/successful? No. But I started planning ahead so I could FIND a decent place in a geographically desirable area. Now, apparently, just like everything else in this town, I have to compete harder, faster and think smarter than everyone else just to have a home.

I knew this town could be ruthless….but shit. I didn’t expect it to be so over housing, too. A bruising to my ego because you don’t get my talent? Pfffft. Dealing with that emotional trauma now, is a breeze. Being told my money is no good because it’s not useful “today.” Whew…that landed like my 22 year old self after a night of binge drinking. Heavy and hard.

SO, I suppose this is me pullin up my knickers to do the dirty work and get smarter and faster and work harder than everyone else that wants my apartment too.

Happy Apartment hunting. Welcome to L.A.

Ray Charles "Hit The Road Jack"

And dontcha come back no more no more no more no more....

This is exactly how I felt when the leasing agents/officers said "Call me when you are ready to move in!" Ouch. Kicked to the curb. But, now we will have this lovely song stuck in our head.